Jar of Hearts Songfic

I know I can't take one more step towards you,

Her glowing liquid brown eyes invite me to step forward. A sleek brown hand beckons for me to follow. I stare boldly, taking in the way her glossy black hair is tied in a sensible ponytail, the way her smile reveals her diamond teeth, the way her laugh puts birdsong to shame. All I have to do is step forwards, but I can't. Because if I do, then it will happen again, and she will end up with some other Cross and my heart will break all over again.

'Cause all that's waiting is regret

Who knows how would she hurt me if I forgave her again? A cruel letter with every detail about her amazing new boyfriend who I will never be as good as? A thoughtless text with a couple of abbreviated letters that will tear my heart into pieces? A few harsh words declared in front of the whole world? Fern isn't as flawless as I once thought she was. If we got back together, she'd break me beyond repair.

And don't you know I'm not your ghost, anymore?

"Come on, Xander. It's just a bit of fun. Go on, hit him. Hit him if you want to hang out with us." she orders me. A pair of muscled Cross hands bind the little Nought boy to the spot. His eyes are full of fear as he sees my height and my strength. Fern calls at me again, pressing me to punch his lights out. But I don't. Just because I was her ghost once doesn't mean it's the same now. I'm not a bully's sidekick any more. Even if I still love her.

You lost the love I loved the more

"You're not the Fern Parlour I know. Not any more. The Fern I knew wouldn't hurt a fly, and that's what I loved about her. It's over, me and you." I hiss, pulling the tiny Nought boy away from her grasp. He bolts across the playground like a bullet.

I learned to live, half alive. And now you want me one more time.

"You were okay with it before. It was fun!" Fern flutters her eyes teasingly. But I'm not in the mood for jokes any more.

"I lived half a life before. I was your shadow! I copied your every move, even when it crushed me inside. Was that fun for me? I don't think so. How could you do that to someone you truly loved?" I reply coldly.

And who do you think you are?

"Excuse me, my father is prime minister of the country. You can do as I say or go onto their side." she replies off-handedly. None of this means anything to her. She's conviced she's got the right to do all of this to me. To everyone she's ever felt anything for.

Running round leaving scars

I remember the bruises on my sister's arm after they went out for a "girlie dinner". I remember the blood trickling down her face. But the real scars that Fern leaves are the ones inside. The ones that never heal.